A short reunion

"Why here? I mean, why are you here? You deserve somewhere better!" 

I can't stop thinking the words Nizar said in our short reunion earlier today. - The last time I met him was when his older brother got married few years ago. Been together since kindergarten until we part ourselves during secondary school. -

Back then, I would utterly be lying if I say I don't have the slightest jealousy towards my friends who manage to get themselves with scholarship and will be flying to the universities of their choice.

My SPM result aren't any different from them, some even lower than mine. Straight A's with 6A+ weren't good enough for them. 

Ish, teruk gila aku. Dasar tak reti bersyukur. Atleast kau dapat jugak masuk U. Ada orang tak dapat masuk langsung!

I kept on reminding myself, if its not for the kafarah of my sins, surely Allah have better plans.  Allah knows whats best for me, thats one thing for sure.

"You've done it before, surely you can do it again!" Nizar told me.

Certainly a morale booster. 

I have physics paper tomorrow. 4 more papers left before the end of the first semester.

I just have to write now. I was really excited. Nizar, here in my campus. Unbelievable.

After Asar prayer, as I was walking by, I looked on my right side and saw a familiar looking face. Both of us stared at each other for nearly 5 seconds. Astounded, he jumped to his feet, both of us hugged.  

May Allah ease his journey on becoming a great engineer which later on will entirely benefits the Ummah.

Shameless

Have you no shame

Committing sins

Towards the creator

Who loves you more

Than any living creature could?

Grief

Dua hari lepas, aku menceritakan kepada emak tentang mutiara yang aku perolehi dari lecture Nouman Ali Khan di PWTC satu minggu sebelumnya. Aku memberitahu emak akan penyesalanku tidak belajar bahasa arab dengan bersungguh-sungguh, walhal pelajaran bahasa arabku sudah bermula sejak tadika, PSRA, PMR. Aku masih gagal untuk memahami ayat-ayat al-Quran dengan ringkas seperti yang Angah mampu buat.

Emak memberitahu kepada ku,

"Do not grief over the past. The past helps you come to your realization. The question is now, what are you going to do about it?

Some people don't even have a past for them to reflect on. Some people have never felt any hardship for them to be grateful of their easy life. 

For you, you have realize. Now think on how you're going to act upon it"

kepada Lebih kurang itu apa yang Emak kata. Aku tak ingat semua. Maklumlah, bahasa Inggeris aku masih berkarat jika dibandingkan aku dengan adik-beradik yang lain.

Ya, persoalannya. Bagaimana?

Susah

Rata-rata sahabat aku yang hebat-hebat, mereka juga mempunyai guru yang hebat. Murabbi kata mereka. Aku juga ingin menjadi hebat seperti mereka. Aku juga ingin mempunyai seoarang murabbi yang boleh membimbing. 

Aku sedang mencari. Tapi. Aku tidak tahu siapa dia. Kalau jumpa, aku tidak tahu bagimana mahu menghampirinya. 

Argh, susahnya.