Sedar, sedar, tidak.

Seringkali, hati saya menjerit-jerit. Inginkan perubahan pada diri yang serba kekurangan. Setiap kali saya mencuba. Saya gagal. Biarpun saya sudah berusaha dengan bersungguh-sungguh, saya tetap gagal. Saya tetap lupa kepada Maha Pencipta. Rasa gerun dan takut hilang setelah beberapa ketika ditanam di dalam jiwa.

Masalah di hati. Terlalu sukar untuk diubati. Ketakutan. Itulah perasaannya. Tetapi kekhuatiran saya, perasaan takut itu juga akan hilang seperti masa-masa yang lepas. Daripada sini, ia membawa kepada permasalahan-permasalahan lain.

Ketika saya sedar, saya takut kalau-kalau kesedaran itu tidak lagi hadir di dalam hati saya pada masa akan datang. Di luar berkelakuan baik, ketika bersendirian, perkara-perkara yang kita sendiri tidak tergamak melakukan terjadi.

Ya Allah, kuatkanlah hati hambamu ini. Taubat demi taubat akan terus mengiringi. Sehinggalah, taubat nasuha dikecapi. Tingkatkanlah ketaqwaan ku, agar dapat menjauhkan diri yang hina ini dari lembah kemaksiatan.

Things in my mind

I wish I can write every single thing that I think worth writing. My thoughts, ideas and critics. I need that kerajinan. I want to share them with whoever reading this blog.

Used To.

Lol, since there's no readers for the past 1 month. I think now is the perfect time to write whatever I want without thinking about what readers might think over what I've written. Thinking about making this blog the place where I write the moments in my life I want to treasure. For future reading and reference. Who knows, this can be a great way to muhasabah myself from the past. I tend to forget things easily. Hahah. And the profile is anonymous. Starting from tomorrow. I'll write everyhting that came across my mind and worth remembering.

Untuk dijadikan ibrah dalam menempuh masa depan yang kian mencabar.

And I'm loving the new layout. Hahah.

Moga-moga kita semua sentiasa berada di bawah perlindungan Allah. Amin.

Indahnya

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim,

Indahnya aturan Allah akan kehidupanku. Hari-hariku berlalu sentiasa berhubung kait diantara satu sama lain. Setiap hari, bertambahnya input untuk membawa diriku yang hina ke lembah yang lebih baik. Tapi aku lemah, aku terus berada dalam keadaan diriku yang parah walaupun hati bergolak untuk berubah. Tetap tewas. Ya Allah, kuatkanlah iman dan takwa hambamu yang lemah ini.

"Memori indah tersusun rapi dalam ingatan menjangkau masa silam yang berbaris di antara transisi suka dan duka."

Afraid

I'm afraid when we are ignoring the little things, because we are focusing on the big things, the little things affect the big things as a whole. The big things won't do any good either when these little things which are the root to big things are not cared properly. My main focus is about problems. Big problems eventually come from small problem. I tried to differ between both. Until then, we can set our priority. Prioritizing what's more important is something we lack in ourselves. It saddens me, when perkara-perkara yang remeh dibesar-bersarkan.

I can't bare myself from seeing the world today. Our condition. Is far beyond control to my concern. Open your eyes. Look around. What do you see. Try imagining the things you see around you on a larger scale. Teringat akan kata-kata abang Adnin. Kita perlu lihat yang baik pada setiap sesuatu. Jika tidak, perkara yang buruk tetap akan menjadi buruk, walhal dalam setiap keburukan itu, terdapat potensinya untuk berubah kepada kebaikan. It can be changed, eventually.

But who am I to write, and voice this topic out. My 'ilm is too little compared to others and to my friends. Having only the fundamentals in life and little understanding of the world, give me no rights or whatsoever. I'm afraid of not capable of justifying my words with my actions.


Sesungguhnya akan tiba tahun-tahun yang dipenuhi dengan tipu daya, pada waktu itu si pembohong dianggap benar dan yang jujur dianggap pendusta, pengkhianat diberi amanah dan orang kepercayaan dituduh pengkhianat dan Ruwaibidhah berucap sesukanya (yang seakan-akan bijak dan benar). Para sahabat bertanya: Siapakah Ruwaibidhah itu? Baginda menjawab: Orang bodoh yang berucap tentang urusan orang ramai.” (Hadith Riwayat Ahmad 15/37-38 dengan syarahan dan tahqiq oleh Ahmad Syakir. Isnadnya hasan dan matannya sahih)

O' Allah, straighten my niyah,  protect me against the shaytan and the deception of the world throughout this holiday, guide me to the right path, utilizing all the time you've given to me to benefit myself and others, and forgive me for my wrong doings. Ya ghaffur, ya rahman, ya rabbal'alamin.

There

I gaze the sky,
I see the stars shining by,
I can see clouds flowing about,
It made my mind thinking for a while.

About how much I have deceived myself,
Pretending I'm right when I'm wrong,
Realization is not enough,
If no actions are to be done.

Understanding is the key,
Why, why and why?
The answer lies beneath it,
Find it,
Understand it,
Embrace it,
Only then you'll see it.

Who am I to write such things,
When I have been reminded,
The right path was shown to me,
But I'm still pretending to be blind.



Blatant Hypocrisy

1 more day left

Assalamualaikum,

Woah, I've just realized. I've only got 1 day left before I go back to my school. And I'm only coming back home during the next school holiday, which is 2 and half months away. Well, I'll try to look on the bright side, which I have no idea what it is. "Alaa dik, sekejap je pun. Pejam celik, pejam celik, dah habis sekolah" Hah, typical.

Leaving tomorrow's afternoon. Will be flying all the way to Kelantan.

The school? Haha. Want to know something? Last year, one of the school in Kelantan, was the best school with the highest number of students who got straight A's for their PMR. 120+ students from that school, is currently studying at where I'm studying now. I don't know how to say this, nah, just forget about it. Not to mention, I'm still trying to adapt the whole new life at a boarding school. One more thing, at least 70% of the students were from Kelantan and Terengganu. They like, speak in Kelantanese the whole time. Thank god I've learned a little bit of bahasa kelate a little while ago. Alhamdulillah, which also gives an advantage for me to easily get along with them.

Well, I guess that's all, I still have few more homeworks to finish. I'm really bad at managing my times. Tell me about it.

Wallahu'alam~