Afraid

I'm afraid when we are ignoring the little things, because we are focusing on the big things, the little things affect the big things as a whole. The big things won't do any good either when these little things which are the root to big things are not cared properly. My main focus is about problems. Big problems eventually come from small problem. I tried to differ between both. Until then, we can set our priority. Prioritizing what's more important is something we lack in ourselves. It saddens me, when perkara-perkara yang remeh dibesar-bersarkan.

I can't bare myself from seeing the world today. Our condition. Is far beyond control to my concern. Open your eyes. Look around. What do you see. Try imagining the things you see around you on a larger scale. Teringat akan kata-kata abang Adnin. Kita perlu lihat yang baik pada setiap sesuatu. Jika tidak, perkara yang buruk tetap akan menjadi buruk, walhal dalam setiap keburukan itu, terdapat potensinya untuk berubah kepada kebaikan. It can be changed, eventually.

But who am I to write, and voice this topic out. My 'ilm is too little compared to others and to my friends. Having only the fundamentals in life and little understanding of the world, give me no rights or whatsoever. I'm afraid of not capable of justifying my words with my actions.


Sesungguhnya akan tiba tahun-tahun yang dipenuhi dengan tipu daya, pada waktu itu si pembohong dianggap benar dan yang jujur dianggap pendusta, pengkhianat diberi amanah dan orang kepercayaan dituduh pengkhianat dan Ruwaibidhah berucap sesukanya (yang seakan-akan bijak dan benar). Para sahabat bertanya: Siapakah Ruwaibidhah itu? Baginda menjawab: Orang bodoh yang berucap tentang urusan orang ramai.” (Hadith Riwayat Ahmad 15/37-38 dengan syarahan dan tahqiq oleh Ahmad Syakir. Isnadnya hasan dan matannya sahih)

O' Allah, straighten my niyah,  protect me against the shaytan and the deception of the world throughout this holiday, guide me to the right path, utilizing all the time you've given to me to benefit myself and others, and forgive me for my wrong doings. Ya ghaffur, ya rahman, ya rabbal'alamin.

There

I gaze the sky,
I see the stars shining by,
I can see clouds flowing about,
It made my mind thinking for a while.

About how much I have deceived myself,
Pretending I'm right when I'm wrong,
Realization is not enough,
If no actions are to be done.

Understanding is the key,
Why, why and why?
The answer lies beneath it,
Find it,
Understand it,
Embrace it,
Only then you'll see it.

Who am I to write such things,
When I have been reminded,
The right path was shown to me,
But I'm still pretending to be blind.



Blatant Hypocrisy

1 more day left

Assalamualaikum,

Woah, I've just realized. I've only got 1 day left before I go back to my school. And I'm only coming back home during the next school holiday, which is 2 and half months away. Well, I'll try to look on the bright side, which I have no idea what it is. "Alaa dik, sekejap je pun. Pejam celik, pejam celik, dah habis sekolah" Hah, typical.

Leaving tomorrow's afternoon. Will be flying all the way to Kelantan.

The school? Haha. Want to know something? Last year, one of the school in Kelantan, was the best school with the highest number of students who got straight A's for their PMR. 120+ students from that school, is currently studying at where I'm studying now. I don't know how to say this, nah, just forget about it. Not to mention, I'm still trying to adapt the whole new life at a boarding school. One more thing, at least 70% of the students were from Kelantan and Terengganu. They like, speak in Kelantanese the whole time. Thank god I've learned a little bit of bahasa kelate a little while ago. Alhamdulillah, which also gives an advantage for me to easily get along with them.

Well, I guess that's all, I still have few more homeworks to finish. I'm really bad at managing my times. Tell me about it.

Wallahu'alam~

Another day

I've been following this thread on http://komuniti.iluvislam.com/ about Nuclear Reactors. Inside the thread, there's also discussion about the latest crisis Japan is facing, which the meltdown of their nuclear reactors in Fukushima. Interesting read, full of information, gained new knowledge about nuclear reactors and radiations.

Anyway. I would like to share my latest dekstop picture!

So? What do you guys think? Cantik tak? Hahah.

Homework banyak lagi, And it's already two! I'm going somewhere tomorrow. So, I'm going to charge up my energy. Will write again tomorrow~

Ya Allah, kiranya aku hamba yang lemah. Perkukuhkanlah Imanku agar aku dapat harungi segala panca roba di dunia ini~ Amin.

She?

Assalamualaikum,

Having my old grandparents to live with me and my parents is something not everyone can offer to their grandparents or parents. In few days, it will be almost a year since my lovely Tokwea passed away. I missed her so much. Coming back home and heared her answer my salams, while seeing her cutting the onions. Her smile. It's something I can never forget.

20th February, the day that marked my life. While I was getting ready to go for lunch, before going to do the final Tawaf, which is Tawaf Wida'. I peeked outside the door, just want to check, whether my parents and sister are already gone out of their room, instead, I saw my father. At the end of the corridor, sitting on the chair with a phone on his left hand. He was talking to someone. I suspected nothing. I went back inside, making sure my brothers are ready, and nothing have left in the room. Few moments later, I heard a knock on the door. It was my father. He asked us to go to his room. I felt something was wrong, but I don't have a clue on what it is.

Once we're all inside my father's hotel room, he announced the news. The news that I never expected to come this soon. The news that I never got my self ready to hear. My grandmother had passed away. I couldn't stop myself from holding back the tears. Seeing my two little twin sisters who was only 6, crying and crying. And so does the rest of us. I tried to calm myself down. But my mind just blown away, with all the memories of me with my late grandmother.

Since the year before she passed away, she suffered a kidney failure. She have to do the dialysis treatment twice a week. Her body weight, drop rapidly since then. Her appetite slowly fades away. From a woman who can walk, now she is bed ridden. From a woman who cooks everyday for her family, she can never cook anymore. For one whole year, she fight courageously  for her disease. 

We went for Zuhur prayer after that, before who do the final tawaf. I couldn't stop crying. In front of the Ka'bah. Hoping for the best, for her. Followed by the Jenazah prayer which usually done after each Fardhu prayers. Added by the sadness leaving the holy land behind.

~

Directly after we arrived back in Malaysia, we went straight to the place where she was buried. Recited Surah Yasiin, followed by the recitation of the doa. My grandfather, was the saddest person I saw. His eyes, we're all red. Crying on his wheelchair. He lost his life partner, in a day. His life living with a woman he love, buried in front of him. I was left speechless.

It's almost a year now, since she passed away. I don't know why, I can still feel, as if she was watching TV inside her room. Downstairs. To be honest, I never really felt for her loss. I was sad, because I can never talk to her again, nor I can see her smile. I wasn't there when she passed away. I wasn't there either when she buried.

I will treasure the memories. I will make it as a reminder.

Surah Al-Anbiya' : 35

Every soul must taste of death, and We try you with evil and with good, for ordeal. And unto Us ye will be returned.

Wallahu'alam.

The Last Days.

Assalamualaikum,

Having to realize that's today is my last days in SAMTTAJ, is not as easy I thought it would be. Leaving behind my friends and teachers. Leaving those subjects that I won't be able find in the school I'm going to. It's hard, but I've tried to make it go as easy as possible. Despite that I'm still going to the school road run tomorrow, this morning was actually the last day for me to officially wear the SAMTTAJ badge, on my school shirt pocket. And two days ago, was my last time, entering the school, wearing the tie with SAMTTAJ badge sewed on it. It happens too fast. I never this day would come.

I've made a promise to myself, wherever I go, I'm still a student of SAMTTAJ, and wherever I go, I have to act like one. 

Carrying the name, when you're not actually under the whole thing anymore, is not easy. When you're venturing to the real world, with full of real challenges which quite impossible for me to encounter in SAMTTAJ. I need to remember where I came from. Remember who I am, and not to forget that I'm actually carrying a lot of responsibilities.

I may not be able to stand here right, if it isn't my families thoughts to put me in SAMTTAJ, 3 years ago. I couldn't imagine, how worse I can be, if I'm out there. Going to a normal school, associate with different kind of people without the basic of the religion. At least, by studying here for the past three years, had helped me. Helped me to see, who I am, and what is my purpose of living. By studying here, has definitely changed my way of thinking. Changed how I view things with different aspects. It has changed me.

I will leave memories there, in my heart, so that I will never forget, how much I have gain from studying at that school. The best school so far in my entire life.

Wallahua'alam.

The days

Assalamualaikum,

I've been doing things that beyond what my mind can imagine of me doing. Nau'zubillah. Hopefully I can get out of this, and stay away from it. Forever, by means, I'll never get close to it again. O' Allah, protect me from the devil~